Naptime Witness

Look, I understand you have your mission, your higher-calling or whatever. I get that. Maybe that higher-power sent you here to my doorstep at 1:24 in the afternoon for some greater purpose. I can respect what your doing with the piece of paper you handed me about the convention.

(And yes, I’m sorry I wasn’t more polite. I am a Christian and it wasn’t very, um, Christian of me to be short with you.)

But the thing is, my daughter just fell asleep. It took over an hour to get her down. And she really needs a nap. Grump-city if you know what I mean. So maybe you could carry out this higher-calling higher-power mission a little more quietly at nap time? You know, like just slip the flyer under the door? (It might be more pleasant for you too, rather than the awkward glares you get from parents of sleeping toddlers.)

Thanks so much. God Bless. Or Jehovah. Or maybe let Jehovah witness God blessing you? I’m sorry. I gotta come clean here. I just don’t know much about your religion. I’m normally a lot nicer, it’s just when you ring the doorbell during nap time it’s like the fires of hell rage within me. Oh shit. Do you believe in hell? I’m not aware of your position on that issue, either.

All I can say is that I’m sure Jehovah witnessed something pretty important. And it’s important to you that I know about this conference to know more about what Jehovah witnessed. But you know what else is important? Naps. For toddlers. There’s five of them on this street. Is anyone or anything witnessing you waking them all up with your doorbell ringing and your flyer that you could just slide under the door?

Sorry. I got carried away again. Regardless of the whole spiritual soul God Jehovah heaven hell witness eternity thing, can we just agree not to ring doorbells between, say 1 and 3? Thanks so much. Peace be with you. Is that OK to say?


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