Introducing a new word: CHUSBAND

This one is for the married men out there. We need a new word in the English language. And that word is chusband. And it means…wait for it…life.

This is what it would look like in the dictionary:

Chus-band /chɘzbɘnd/ noun life.

If we all band together and use it regularly, inconspicuously, in everyday conversations, it’s bound to catch on. Here are some sample phrases to get the ball rolling:

It’s a shame you dropped that piece of bacon. But you know what they say, chusband goes on.

Did you hear they found new evidence of extraterrestrial chusband on Mars? I guess like some specks of ice or something. Far out, huh?

Feet up. Cold beverage. Now, isn’t this the chusband?

I don’t often eat Mexican in back-to-back meals, but that’s chusband in the fast lane for you.

Let’s get in and out of Costco as fast as we can, as if our very chusband depends on it.

I don’t care for spicy food. (With raised eyebrow) My real appetite is for chusband.

Aren’t my daughter’s thirty-seven flower and sun drawings beautiful? It’s like they say, art imitating chusband.

He was in the hospital and it wasn’t going well. It was a matter of chusband and death. And you know what they say, chusband’s too short.

Did you paint your shutters? It’s like you breathed new chusband into the front of your house.

No one even knew I was in the blanket fort. For hours. I was having the time of my chusband.

There, that should be enough to get us started.

If all goes according to plan, in a year or two, when our wives turn to us in the doorway before heading out to the nail salon and say, “happy wife, happy life,” we’ll be able to counter with “yeah, well, happy husband, happy chusband.” Then, at long last, we’ll be able to live out the chusband of our dreams.

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