November 24th, 2021

Dear Green Pines Families,

I wanted to make you aware that we were notified that an individual within our school community has tested positive for COVID-19. Due to procedures related to privacy laws, I am limited in what I can say. Gosh, do I want to spill the beans on this one. You have no idea. Still, I urge you to respect the privacy of our students, staff, and members of our unofficial school adult co-ed recreational softball team, the Batty Bats.

It is essential that I share what I can to ensure anyone that may have been in contact with the individual is aware of their potential exposure. Fortunately, the individual in question plays outfield. “Plays” is a bit of a misnomer. For most of this season anyway, the individual basically stands in the outfield with a glove. The individual does not catch, throw, or even move much. Your classic weakest link. You might be wondering, why does this individual even participate in recreational softball? Gosh do I wish I could say more here, but again the privacy thing.

School and District leadership, in conjunction with public health officials and league umpires, have determined there is no need at this time to close our school or cancel any games. Some physical education equipment is used by the Batty Bats (balls and clipboards, to be specific). We have cleaned and disinfected, as appropriate, and our campus has been deemed safe for occupancy. The softballs, since they haven’t been caught, thrown, or even hit by the affected individual since getting divorced from a certain middle infielder/relief pitcher, did not need disinfection.

Although you have not been identified as a close contact, out of transparency, we feel it is important to notify our community of this information. As you are probably aware, viral symptoms can be confused with other symptoms related to adult softball participation, most notably shortness of breath, and muscle aches and pains. However, and again privacy laws are a real you-know-what, it seems safe to say that a reasonable person would agree, moping in the outfield and intentionally striking out are unlikely to cause shortness of breath.

I know this information is concerning. Please know we are acting in accordance with public health guidelines and Rec. League rules. Players with positive test results must follow league protocols and public health guidelines. I can’t really say what I want to here, but, well, screw it. Before the divorce, this individual had a respectable batting average. The Batty Bats will not be beholden to a virus, or an outfielder that is bitter over a shattered marriage. And the pandemic, like the softball season, is not over. I want to take this opportunity to remind everyone to remain vigilant. Viruses are blind— they don’t care about age, race, or socioeconomic factors. So too, is jilted love. Blind to a team on the brink of contending for this year’s North San Diego Coastal Fall League Championship.

Despite this unpleasantness, the safety of our students, staff, and community remains our primary focus. (Beating Green Pines Middle is our second, LOL;) If you have questions or concerns about this information, or if you are free to play softball on Sunday nights, please contact me. If you aren’t free to play, but know someone that is, please contact me directly. The playoffs are three weeks away and we can’t afford to forfeit any games with the Chuck Wagon Trotters nipping at our heels. We thank you for your cooperation and support. Stay safe and Go Bats!

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