That Guy Interjects Into a Hypothetical Conversation at a Hypothetical Pearl Jam Show

Die Hard Fan A: So psyched to be seeing PJ live again! I can’t wait to hear this Gigaton show!

Die Hard Fan B: Me too! Been a die-hard ever since the Boston Garden in ’94. So amazing.

Die Hard Fan A: It was ’95 at Soldier Field in Chicago for me. Incredible three-hour show, in the middle of a brutal heat wave. Unforgettable.

Die Hard Fan B: And to be in the front row for tonight! A whole new album to pull from. This is going to be insane! Do you think we should remove our ten gallon hats?

Die Hard A: Yeah, you’re probably right.

(They remove their hats.)

Die Hard Fan B: So what’s the one song that you can’t wait to hear? That song that you want to belt out at the top of your lungs?

Die Hard Fan A: Well, this is a little personal since we just met, but it’s “Alive.” After going through the pandemic, I lost someone, it was really rough, but just to know that after it all, we survived, that we’re still alive. To hear that tonight would be pretty special. I’m going to sing it with my eyes closed, thinking about that person. How about you?

Die Hard Fan B: It’s tough choice. So many great sing-along’s. “Elderly Woman”…”Better Man”…for some random reason I love singing “Glorified G”. The new song “River Cross” would be cool.

THAT GUY: (from the second row) Not for me. It’s a no brainer. There’s only one song I want to sing tonight. A classic sing along. One of those songs that you can sing over and over and never get tired of.

Die Hard Fan A: What song is that?

THAT GUY: Only their best live song.

Die Hard Fan B: Yellow Ledbetter?

THAT GUY: Nope. A song that when you hear it live, you realize it’s one of the great concert sing alongs. Right up there with “Sweet Caroline.”

Die Hard Fan A: “Daughter”?

THAT GUY: No. “Bugs.”

Die Hard Fan B: I think we should put our hats back on.

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